With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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