Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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