No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
