at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
