Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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