then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
