Quick, to the slutcave!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
