Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
