after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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