Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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