I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
