My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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