fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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