Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
