I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Less talking, more tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
