Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
