I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
