You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
