God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
