i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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