ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
