one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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