Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
