he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
