Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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