The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
