you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
