I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
