Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
