If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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