I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
