so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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