Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
