You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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