I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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