fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
