please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
