I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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