Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Randomize
