maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
