that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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