i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
