The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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