I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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