It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
