Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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