We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
