He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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