Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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