nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
