if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
