If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
