yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize