To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
