Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
