At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
