I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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