when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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