now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
