dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
