What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
