I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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