what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
